Three years ago Jeremy and I went to Taos, New Mexico for our honeymoon. The road trip was cut short by Jeremy's appendix threatening to burst. The only souvenirs we came home with were two sticks of sage from the Taos Pueblo. The woman who sold them to us told us that you can clear out bad energy from your house by burning these sticks of sage.
Our house has never had bad energy. But me... well, I have some energy that could use some cleansing.
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Last night I had a spontaneous dinner with some new friends (who are amazingly legit artists) where we talked art, politics, connection - really amazing things. I came home energized and happy. I told Jeremy all about my evening and we continued the conversation over a glass of wine in our living room. I told Jeremy how much I love my life right now - the pieces might not all fit together perfectly all the time - but I feel like I'm exactly where I need to be.
Anyway, I'm not sure exactly how it went down but Jeremy made a small joke about me always being angry. He was just teasing but I hold the belief that in every tease is a truth. And the truth is - I've had this underlying simmer of anger coursing through my blood my whole life. Sometimes it's luke warm and sometimes it boils. I've been trying to keep it cool ever since Jeremy and I got together. And over the past year I've really been flexing my muscle around becoming the person I want to be: kind, enthusiastic, creative and full of light and love. But damn. Sometimes it's just too easy to indulge in being mad, impatient and insecure.
I get angry about stuff like Dinahsaur's tail in my face when I'm trying to eat. I get frustrated with my inability to string the right words together to clearly communicate exactly what I want to say when talking business with my sister. And while I dream big and have grand goals sometimes I get insecure and pissed about not being there already.
Last night I was verbalizing all of this to Jeremy. And he said something wise about going with the flow and I told him that I just don't. know. how.
That's when he suggested we finally burn that sage.
Now, all I know about burning sage is information here and there passed down from friends and movies. So no disrespect to anyone who knows how this is actually supposed to go. (Since last night I've researched the whole sage burning process. Trust. I'll be having a do-over.) But last night I was going by instinct. I was doing whatever I could to permanently cleanse myself of these bad vibes I've been carrying around for no good reason.
So Jeremy and I lit a stick of sage and filled every corner in our home with the smoke. I demanded that the bad vibes be gone. And you guys, I could feel it working.
I woke up in the middle of the night and could smell the sage smoke in my hair. It reminded me that I'm not angry anymore.
Sage is magic! I had a road trip curse- every single road trip I took had some HUGE catastrophe. Then my friend suggested I bring along a bundle of sage when I went to Taos by myself a few summers ago and it worked! It was an awesome, perfect vacation.
ReplyDeleteha, I just forwarded this post to my husband. He half-jokingly suggested we needed to burn some sage after seeing it on a reality show the other day (Auction Kings I think). His personality is so similar to yours and mine is very much like your husband's - I literally beg him to go with the flow, but he also does not know how. Maybe we really do need to try this.
ReplyDeleteLooks like it may be time for papa here to go and buy some sage sticks! You're not alone, Miss Kathleen. :)
ReplyDeleteI am the exact same way...short tempered I guess. I let little things get to me and then I blow up...or I keep them all inside...and THEN blow up. Either way, I'm not that person and that's not who I want to be.
ReplyDeleteHere's to being lighter :)
I've been in the same crabby boat a lot lately too. Gonna dig out my sage and smoke out the angry vibes in my house tonight. Thanks for the reminder!
ReplyDeleteSarah // SillyGrrl.com
I f'ing adore you for this entire post. That last sentence is my favorite :)
ReplyDelete:) I like this.
ReplyDeleteLove your honesty, love your blog and LOVE that you burned sage to clear old energy. It's pretty amazing isn't it!? Diffusing essential oils is another great way to clear out old energy (and funky kitchen smells...no need to keep smelling that steamed broccoli days later). As far as the anger...embrace it sweetie! Our emotions are there for a reason, ALL of them. You're loved angry, happy, sad, and everything inbetween. :)
ReplyDeleteI'm always telling my husband that in every tease there is a morsel of truth. He doesn't agree, but I don't really think it's up for debate.
ReplyDeleteYou can see how pleasant I am in the midst of a marital squabble. :)
Must be something (not sage) in the air. Dave and I have had an ABYSMAL week that culminated in the super suck fest that was today.
ReplyDeleteSeriously. He stood by my desk and said in a sad-angry voice, "Today is being really not awesome."
I agree totally.
Hope the sage helped. Hope tomorrow is better. Hope you're happy 'cause you're amazing and awesome and just the right mix of sugar and anger.
Love!
First of all, Taos is amazing. I absolutely loved my short time there.
ReplyDeleteAs for the energy, I SO know what you are talking about. A couple weeks ago, I realized I had let two things from my past absolutely upset me and make me incredibly angry. I realized then I have to let things go. It's so so hard. Wish I had some sage, but I'm trying.
We sound alike with this post, and I love how you put it because deep down there is always this tiny bit of anger in me. I used to be awful sometimes and even though through the years I've gotten better I know it's still there. I've never bought into stuff like burning sage, etc, but ya know what? I'm gonna give it a try. There's no point of bad vibes being in my life anymore.
ReplyDeleteYour timing is ironic. I arrived with a friend to his house tonight to cook a small informal birthday dinner and from the outside of the apartment complex we smelled what we thought was pot. But as we walked into the entry way to his house he said, "Oh it's my roommate. He must be burning sage again." I too can still smell it in my hair. I feel like my life could use some cleansing. Maybe I'll pick up some sage of my own. :)
ReplyDeleteOh, you guys. I'm so glad I'm not alone here.
ReplyDeleteHollywood Housewife - It is SO true. I can always see what needs fine tuning when a small jokes hits my funny bone just so.
Mel - Boo. I'm sorry you guys are having a bad week. It's actually funny because the evening I burned the sage was actually a really great day. I think it was that contrast of feeling really happy that made me realize I want to feel that way ALL the time. I hope today is super duper awesome for both you and Dave.
Hailey - I had to tell my designer this morning that I was not smoking weed but only burning sage to exorcise my demons. I think either way it was a little awkward.
I like the california white sage best. Nice clean smell and thick smoke. I think morning mediation with sage burning is quite lovely and centers for at least a moment to begin the day.
ReplyDeleteTry to find a nice abalone shell. The shell will catch the ashes as they fall and sometimes the embers will still be burning.
I am notorious for this "holding on to anger in all degrees" thing myself. Moody, cynical, often times judge-y. I try not to be and lately have been drying to keep a level head, to let things roll off my back and I do a rather good job for 3 weeks out of a month... you know which week I have a losing battle I'm sure.
ReplyDeleteSage might be my ticket. Thank you for sharing!
I grew up in an environment where it was common practice to smudge a new home before moving in and to smudge each other at blessing ways and gatherings... So, it's hard for me to take it serious anymore. However, what you said about the underlying anger is pretty poignant. I feel the exact same way and it seems like it's something that women don't want to talk about what with society's expectation that we be the loving, patient beings all the time. Sometimes it's good to not feel alone and I wish you luck on your journey (smudge and all).
ReplyDeleteI can really relate to having that little bit of anger simmering in your blood. It takes a lot of control for me not to snap, but it happens -- usually in the middle of the night when one of my cats has woken me for the umpteenth time. I hate that toxic feeling. Maybe it's time for me to burn a bit of sage myself -- luckily I already have a stick in the house. It's natural that we have negative emotions, but I think it's really good that you're recognizing yours and dealing with them.
ReplyDeleteCheck out the blog Doctor Mama - I remember she wrote a great post about letting the anger go a while back.
ReplyDeleteI know what you mean. Last week my boss (now, when I say boss - I'm talking somebody that I travel with 4/7 days a week and spend most of my waking hours with, so the line between friend/boss becomes all sorts of blurred) drew a sketch of me being tri-polar. From really really happy to really really miserable to the apathetic I really couldn't care about anything - in a matter of hours. It's not quite as extreme as I made it just sound - and I promise I'm a stable person lol, but it's always interesting to hear something like that, huh? Really makes you think.
ReplyDelete