I'm getting to that age. You know. The age my mom was when she had me. And Jeremy just turned 35, which is the age my dad was when I was born. And then I found these photos of my dad, younger than I am now, posted on Facebook (that's him impersonating a vulture in the middle – and he's on the far left in the other two).
I know my mom and dad once existed without me in the picture but it's still a shock to the system... to see proof of a time before Kathleen but at the same time know that even then I've always been safely tucked away deep inside them. When they were smoking weed with Janis Joplin (yeah, I just outed you on the internet, Mom) or hosing down the evidence of too much tequila out of the back of a VW bug at a car wash... I was there too. Just waiting to join the adventure. To carry on where they left off.
I can't help but wonder if Jeremy and I have got a free spirited wild child (or a total math & science nerd) tucked away somewhere deep inside us... ready to join the adventure.
I can't wrap my head around what it would feel like to have a kiddo of our own. So I have to materialize that ambiguity and unknown with dreamings of station wagons, soft white onesies and family road trips and all the places the adventure will take us.
Take it from someone close to your age. You're never going to "feel ready" for a baby. We've been married almost 5 years and I still wish we would've had more time as "us" before the baby that will be here in 11 weeks. But...there's just something beyond words when there's life inside you. Either way, keep enjoying what y'all have right now in this season of life. :)
ReplyDeletep.s. I rarely pop over to comment but your blog is one of the few in my reader. Love it.
i just loved this. the way you describe a child being tucked away deep within you just waiting to join the adventure. i barely even remember life before my kiddo came along. i was so different then. now, we bring him almost every where! go to crazy parties, restaurants, camping trips...he just joins right in. and conveniently falls asleep anywhere! that's kind of a blessing :) anyway, all that to say, i loved this post.
ReplyDeleteAlthough I don't know you well, based on your blog, I'd say that a free-spirited, wild child is certainly in your cards. :) And I must say, having a kiddo does change things (adventure and dreaming), but it's quite a treasure taking our Duke along with us for those adventures and dreams. :)
ReplyDeletei ended up having our boys at the same age my mom had me (and the same age my grandpa had her, we are an equally spaced set of 3. My father was younger than me).
ReplyDeleteAs for motherhood, its one of those things that turns out totally different than you imagined it. I had clear pictures in my head of us as a family of 3 and what life would be like, and that got totally changed!
i ended up having our boys at the same age my mom had me (and the same age my grandpa had her, we are an equally spaced set of 3. My father was younger than me).
ReplyDeleteAs for motherhood, its one of those things that turns out totally different than you imagined it. I had clear pictures in my head of us as a family of 3 and what life would be like, and that got totally changed!
"Dreamings of station wagons, soft white onesies and family road trips and all the places the adventure will take us." THIS. I am 29 weeks pregnant with our first (and older than my parents were when they had me!) and you just summed up what I hope our family life will be. Well said. And I think one can never wrap one's head around having a kiddo until one is literally there in your arms. At least once a day I have the "we're having a baby?!" moment!
ReplyDeleteGreat post, Kathleen. (And fun photos.) I've been especially weepy today (hormones; our first will be here in three months). Every time I feel him kick I get so excited to meet him, to go on family adventures and see what he'll become in the world. It is intimidating at times, but thrilling.
ReplyDeleteI also love what the first commenter said -- no matter what you guys decide keep enjoying each other! Life is good.
Don't rush on children. Enjoy your life now, once you have a baby it will about them. I waited until I was 34 to my son and I'm glad I did.
ReplyDeletewww.FripperyVintage.com
I'm endlessly fascinated thinking about people's lives before me... especially my parents and grandparents. I keep my parents' wedding photos by my bed and look at them everyday... and I can't believe that I'm now 13 years older than my mother was in those photos, and 11 years older than she was when I was born. Both fascinates me and makes me wonder if my desire to stay childless makes me a traitor to the system... esp when my hubby would be such an incredible father.
ReplyDeletePS - your Dad showed me those a few days ago. Thought they were awesome. Certain he would have been a fun classmate.
ReplyDeleteI think, that even as us motherless women are, the wisdom of those who are will far surpass us. Though I do think that you and Jer aren't quite there yet, neither am I. I am certain though, that once we are, our children will write about how awesome we are. We are learning, and have learnt from those bloggers before us, like pacingthepanicroom and such. When we become parents, our children will thank us for it, I swear. So lets, let our biological clocks tick for another year or two. Keep making these blogs and amazing designs, which I require inspiration from, and you and Kat keep sending out the emails and myself, and my design self will be satisfied until the day we decide to become awesome parents ourselves. Until then, keep being awesome!
ReplyDeleteI get that way sometimes too when I see pics of my parents before they became parents. While they were married and had kids very young, they lived some fun, crazy adventures before I showed up on the scene. My dad has the concert stubs to prove it, and my mom has some hilarious stories of their drunken parties, late nights, and maybe even a little weed mixed in. It's hard sometimes to think of our parents as "fun" sometimes - especially since mine stopped doing all of those "fun" things once kids were in the picture - but I guess it explains a lot of how I came to be the way I am today. Sure, I partied my fair share when I was their age, but I was also responsible and took care of my business, which is a good thing too, I guess.
ReplyDeleteI'm sure that, regardless of what kind of child you two create someday, little he/she is going to have a great childhood filled with lots of love, and a whole lot of fun! Even math and science nerds appreciate a good bit of adventure now and again - a sense of wonder is key to any kid's upbringing!
http://www.fancyalterego.wordpress.com
I love this post! I'm a single 25 year old female sans the throbbing ovaries...but I can relate to the awe and bewilderment of seeing snapshots of your parents at your age or younger.
ReplyDeleteI have a photo of my mom driving an 18-wheeler as she was quite the adventurer- and therefore a truck driver for a year when she was 23 (1981). In the photo she's wearing cut off denim shorts, a white tank, and a blonde pixie cut. The photo is slightly overexposed but it makes for the perfect display of the very same adventurous spirit that was transferred into me! I look at these photos with a bursting curiosity and therefore deep appreciation to the people who are my parents.
**This is my first post on your blog and I've been following for two years! I have to gush about how inspiring you are to me- thank you for being so real! It sure does help with the ever constant growing pains of adulthood. Rock on &Kathleen.
I'm so glad a few of you are swinging by to comment on this post!
ReplyDeleteI think, for me, it's so easy to get wrapped up in the idea of BABY (which is overwhelming and scary) and forget that we're still people and that we'll be a FAMILY (which is awesome and I look forward to it).