I have this amazing ability to look at what I want and make it mine. I can manifest something out of nothing. Most of the time I give credit to "the universe" but those around me who are a little less woo-woo (like Jeremy) attribute it to my drive, discipline, and really hard work. But lately I've been wondering if these seemingly ambitious qualities are actually biting me in the ass when it comes to my everyday life. I literally end long days with the question "why do I do this to myself?"
You see ... all these goals and ambition often translates to me having blinders on and my head buried in a laptop. I'm terribly impatient and am often so attached to the outcome that I don't find space to be present in the journey along the way. And most times when I do "get there" I'm left feeling unsatisfied and wanting more.
But the truth of it is this: LIFE IS REALLY NOTHING BUT THE JOURNEY. (I say this loud and in all caps because usually it's a faint whisper that I push out with WHAT I WANT NOW.)
I'm trying y'all.
Case in point: When Jeremy and I went to Nepal I was obsessed with getting to Mt. Everest Base Camp. But you can't even actually see Mt. Everest from base camp! And in hindsight, it turns out my very favorite part was surviving the flight into Lukla and our time in the lower altitude foothills. I didn't quite learn my lesson and a couple years later wanted to hike to the tallest mountain in Poland only to blow my knees out. All to say "I was on the highest mountain in Poland" (which isn't even very high at all.) These can also serve as appropriate metaphors for my business and life ambitions too.
So lately I've been trying to reconcile this intense drive, and the head-down grind and focus that comes with that, with the way I actually want to feel every day – which is illuminated, liberated and grateful. It's a constant exercise in imagination, action, and editing along the way.
P.S. I loved Erin of Design for Mankind's recent post about slowing down – I think it relates.
It's kind of funny you write this post on the international women's day today. I've been thinking all day -when I've read related posts on Facebook and beyond - that we need an international man's day just like it. As a tribute to everything truly masculine - like the drive, ambition and discipline that you describe and embody so beautifully. I know the "always hungry, never full" feeling is taking it's toll, but please, please know that all us feminine counterparts (male or female) are not complete or whole without your (and other masculine beings') energy - and we are grateful for the price you pay in terms of always being ON. You are what takes us forward - we are here to nurture you + us along the way. That life is a journey and not a destination goes for all of us - and it's oh so easy to forget. Thanks for the reminder - and happy women's day, Kathleen.
ReplyDeleteThis is a really hard lesson to learn! I'm a goal-focused person as well, and I think it took me the better part of my twenties to really start to understand the idea that life is as much, if not more, about the time between goals as the goals themselves.
ReplyDeletePreach it sister, preach. Something I need to be reminded of each day.
ReplyDeleteGirl, I hear you. Occasionally people compliment me on my drive and I tell them, truthfully, "Yeah, I'm grateful but sometimes I wish I could turn it off."
ReplyDeleteA friend recently tried to talk to me about 'early retirement' and my mental response was literally "WHY WOULD ANYONE WANT TO STOP WORKING?"
I love this post. I'm reading it at a perfect moment when I'm thoroughly exhausted and not wanting to stop. I think I've had my head down for too long. I'm going on vacation tomorrow and all I can think about it that I really wish that I could work. I'm happy to be finally working on something that I love doing but SHEESH, the world will still be there when I get back. I just always feel an urgency in "timing."
ReplyDeleteJust wanted to let you know that I recently discovered your blog and love it. I never used to comment on blogs until I started my own and realized how nice it is to connect with readers. I love the creativity here, advice, and that you speak from your heart!
Henna | www.hennablossom.com
The part of this post that really resonated with me is where you say that when you 'get there' you are often left feeling unsatisfied and wanting more. As a really self-motivated person who gets all sucked into the grind myself, I often experience this, too. I recently discovered Danielle LaPort and her philosophy, The Desire Map, which is about pursuing feelings as opposed to goals. She says that once you're clear on how you want to feel (which you are - illuminated, liberated, grateful), you seek out opportunities that have the potential to satisfy those feelings. I've just ordered my copy so I can't say (yet) that it has totally changed my approach to achievement - but I do think the philosophy makes sense at this point in my life where I'm yearning to experience a deeper sense of accomplishment (and truly own my destiny).
ReplyDeleteThank you, Kathleen, for what you do here on your blog. It is truly inspiring, motivating and real. Every time I visit, I leave with so much.