There are so many complex discussions to be had around beauty, aging, plastic surgery and feminism. I used to think the most feminist approach to these topics was to just live and let live. To do what you want.
But these days... with impossible standards of beauty and a nation that glorifies adolescence as the pinnacle of what we should all strive to look like, at no matter what age, I think it's important to start having some discussions around getting older. I still feel like it's important to do what you want but let's drop the shame and start talking about it. Let's celebrate our choices when it comes to makeup and fashion and even plastic surgery. But even more, let's celebrate the things we've learned and experienced and given to the world as we get older. Let's talk about it.
Yesterday, my sister and I watched the HBO documentary About Face: Supermodels Then and Now. The documentary itself, to be honest, was kind of a bore but there were a few sound bites that really got me thinking.
"To me the most beautiful thing there is in another human is confidence, and nothing says 'I'm not confident' as much as Botox."- Paulina Porizkova, About Face
Even though I highlight this quote, I'm not saying I necessarily agree. What I'm more interested in here is how build confidence in the first place.
"When I finished my college education my agent said to me …'The key to beauty is to be always educating yourself, always learning something new, always doing something new and to have something to talk about.' And I never forgot that, and I think that's how one ages beautifully."- Cheryl Tiegs, About Face
I love this. And while I'm hardly "old" I'm definitely aging. And the more I learn and experience what life has to offer, the more beautiful and confident I feel.
So let's chat. Have you seen this documentary? What do you think?
I watched it the other day... I really loved most of the quotes from Paulina... she seemed like a pretty wise lady.
ReplyDeleteAnd the lady with the crazy hair....... had really crazy hair.
This is interesting because I was just browsing an article yesterday about celebrity plastic surgery transformations and I feel almost on a primal, evolutionary level I'm always less attracted to the after photos because they inevitably look less human. After taking in the plumped up lineless faces, something in my gut responds to my eyes, NOPE. THAT'S NOT RIGHT. But now it's gotten to a point (especially in celebrity culture - probably in response to social pressure) where looking strange is more desirable than looking old. I can't imagine that mentality will last forever, but in the meantime, this is why I love watching a good 80s flick. It's refreshing to be reminded of the days when celebrities still looked like human beings, frizzy flyaways and all. Of course even after saying all this I can't be certain I won't succumb to the pressure at some point.
ReplyDeleteSuch an interesting topic.. I (just yesterday) signed all of my contracting paperwork to go back to school and start a cosmetology program next month. I still go back and forth between feeling like it's going to be "so fun!" and I'll have "so much more freedom" and being excited about "getting to be creative and make a positive difference in someone's day" by "inspiring confidence" but.. based on what? Based on perceived beauty. It's kind of a sucker punch.
ReplyDeleteThe other part of me knows that if you want to be able to help create change then you have to dive in and be involved and be the change.
I have a feeling the research is only just beginning. Thanks for starting a conversation about it. I'm looking forward to reading the comments on this one.
Kristen - It's interesting how universal it is, even for super models, if not more so, to develop a philosophy of life that goes way beyond looks.
ReplyDeleteWait... which one had crazy hair? Then again, I don't think I'm one to speak on crazy hair. Heh.
Ashley - I know we've talked about this at length in person but I'm ready for the revolution. Let's stop contributing to the idea that there is only one standard of homogenized beauty!
Jen - Ooohh. Think about what an opportunity you will have as a person in position of authority on the topic of skin and beauty to give women permission to embrace, take ownership and be proud of their own individual beauty. I think it's rad to take care of and to take pride in your skin. To use it as a canvas to change or enhance your look with makeup. I think more women should be given the tools to feel more beautiful in their skin and you're going to do just that. Be proud of that!
I remember when I was in my mid-twenties and started developing crows feet from years of squinting at my art (to properly see the contrast). I became a bit self-conscious about it until my sister once told me she thought it was totally hot. And ever since then I've considered the wrinkles around my eyes sexy. I just needed someone to give me permission to love them. You could be that permission giver to so many women! What a gift.
Congrats on going back to school! Hang on to the dream of freedom and creativity and making a difference!
I've always thought that gray hair was super pretty - especially the pale silvery shade or a stark white. People always look at me crazy when I say I think its pretty, or encourage them not to color their lovely gray hairs, and tell me, "wait til YOU have gray hair! Then you'll see!" And if I call them 'smart hairs' and tell them that it means they've lived long enough to be smarter than me? That usually earns some eye-rolling... But I totally mean it!
ReplyDeleteand PS to your above comment about crow's feet: I love my hubby's crow's feet! He's had them since I met him, when we were both in high school, and I know he must have gotten them so young because he smiles all the time and laughs at EVERYTHING (even if I can't imagine why it's funny). I LOVE them. I think they're beautiful, his personality showing on his face. I call them happy wrinkles. :)
ReplyDeleteI've not seen this documentary at all, but am fascinated by how people's perceptions of beauty differ from one another. It seems that in many developed worlds, first-world nations, rather, "beauty" is almost a scientific experiment, whereas in other parts of the world where people seem (materialistically) less fortunate than us, their standard of "beauty" is on a completely different level. I waver back and forth between how I feel about my own aging process. While I still stick to my guns on my no-plastic-surgery-EVER-unless-seriously-mutilated-in-a-tragic-accident-like-a-burning-house stance, I am not opposed to hair dying and getting skin care products. I guess finding the right balance is wherein lies peace with one's own appearance, right?
ReplyDeletenever seen this documentary before and now im really curious. thx for recommending this Kathleen. Have an amazing day :)
ReplyDeleteI ove those quotes! I'd really like to see this documentary -thanks for opening up this discussion.
ReplyDeleteGreat conversation starter! Love the comments. Insightful.
ReplyDeleteThe most interesting thing about that documentary is that none of the models referenced menopause that I recall. Aside from the proverbial hot flashes, menopause radically affects women as they age on the outside. Estrogen, that magical fountain of youth!
Funny, all my friends met their husbands during THAT time of the month. That time is key to attracting a guy, for real! And now most all of them are pondering thoughts of plastic surgery. Eyelift, tummy tucks-fm babies, injections for accentuated lines that are not pretty like laugh lines – but those that make you look like Fred Flintstone. Their moms are already getting the fillers & these are not the niptuck type of moms.
Case in point: A good friend of mine was model gorgeous. That Snow White type of gorgeous. Guys would drop at her feet when we went out years ago. And she was a size 14! But her face, perfect skin, her brain-power & confidence rendered most guys speechless. No guy could win in a political conversation with her. She’s had a baby - now in middle school. Things are changing – gravity is pulling that pretty face down. Estrogen is depleting. Having a baby ages you faster & it has for her. One day she ask me what I thought of getting some “work” done & I said, “go for it”! She fessed up her mom had just gotten fillers. Her mom is her late 60s. Her mom has some confidence back!
Years ago I worked with a nurse in her late 30s who was very pretty & ran a large company. She had beautiful skin, did palates religiously & had gorgeous eyes. Over margaritas one night she told me about the eyelift she had several years before & the gap between her front teeth that once was. The droopy eyes were from her dad & the gap her granny. Because her parents loved her beyond what she was born with they gifted her the braces at age 30 & she paid for the eyelift herself. Her industry is run by men/those who hire & statistics prove that looks matter for women in business. Aside from that, she stated she would have made these changes regardless of her career. She is happy & successful!
Lastly, months before my mother died some of the many things she said to me are these: “I wish I had gotten my eyelids done. Your eyelids are great! You got them from your dad, so perfect & no drooping. On the other hand, your mustache. Take the life insurance money & get that black hair removed permanently by a specialist. Keep up with the chemical peels. Best thing we learned from skin cancer rehab. Peels really work. ” My mother’s insight came by way of skin cancer. She had to have her nose redone to get the basal cell skin cancer removed & this led to the MD fixing the bump on her nose. Her grandfather’s nose. She had a slight scar from all the grafting, but you have never seen a happier woman than my mom. That bump was gone! Amen.
Once upon a time I would have thought NOWAY! No fixing anything. Stay natural. But now ... Now I am all about whatever adds to a girl/woman’s confidence. Because the truth is it will matter to you. It’s our culture by way of testosterone; desire to be desirable & now we’re living longer. And the truth is, some of what is in our gene pool just doesn’t age in a pretty way. It’s just the cards were dealt. Cards that you don’t have to keep.
AMG - YES! I love Jeremy's grey hairs. I think they're super sophisticated on men and women alike.
ReplyDeleteTFH - I think there is some digging to be done on the stance that you would only get plastic surgery if you were disfigured in a car accident. What if when you're 50 you feel equally disfigured by gravity and time? Just something to consider...
Which bring us to...
Curly Whippy Tails - What I love the most about your comment is that these women are openly TALKING about and discussing their cosmetic surgery success stories. It strips the procedures of the shame that comes with having "work done".
For me personally, the issue isn't whether or not I'll ever have plastic surgery. I feel kind of neutral on the topic. I clearly care enough to work out every day, eat right, wear makeup and invest in clothes that give me confidence. I don't necessarily draw the line at plastic surgery - for me that would be somewhat arbitrary and perhaps even a little hypocritical.
What I'm interested in is the root of the issue. Can we find balance and alignment between the mind and body in a way where one uplifts the other? I feel like so often the mind and body are treated as separate entities but what if there is even a deeper connection that we aren't fully exploring?
Phew! I could go off on a metaphysical tangent here - so I'm going to go incubate on this one for a while.
Thanks for your thoughtful comment!
I've not seen this documentary yet, but I so need to! I'm positively fascinated. And I completely agree with the quote about educating yourself. I think the key to feeling young and being confident is to always be learning and doing new things, to be looking at all which is before you with wonder.
ReplyDeleteI just watched this last night and was delighted to see your post about it, which I had somehow missed earlier. I thought it was inspiring, sad and enlightening all at the same time. Isabella Rosselini was just a force of wisdom - talk about a true beauty.
ReplyDeleteHaven't seen this but it sounds fascinating! That Cheryl Tiegs quote is amazing! Is this documentary on Netflix?
ReplyDelete