You know those girls that don't really like other girls and often prefer the company of guys instead? Yeah. I get it, but I'm not one of those girls (but funny enough, I always befriend the girls who prefer boys). I love girls. In fact, I had a brief stint at 13 where I came out to my closest friends and family as a lesbian. (It turns out I just hadn't hit puberty yet. Once the hormonal floodgates were unleashed I couldn't help but fall in love with inarticulate boys with broad shoulders and flannels.) But even still, I've always preferred working, creating, and collaborating with women. There are layers of connection, understanding and gear-turning with women that I've rarely experienced with men.
And to be more specific I like bad girls. The liberated lady who lives out loud.
Here are some characteristics of a bad girl (and what I aspire to be):
• Isn't afraid of redefining and embracing what it means to be both "feminine" and a "feminist"
• Loves whiskey and whisky – and knows the difference
• Speaks her mind with an open heart and clear throat – no matter the company
• Won't stand for bullying – from others or herself
• Sees beauty in the most unsuspecting places
• Is a creative force to be reckoned with
• Dresses to impress herself (and sometimes other women)
• Choose mates who wholeheartedly support her bad girl self
Are you a bad girl? What other traits or values would you add to the list? Let's be friends.
Oh and P.S. I made a playlist on Spotify to celebrate the bad girls. I like to make my co-workers (and Jeremy, who also loves bad girls) listen to it every morning as we begin our day. I think Gaga and Beyonce are the ultimate badasses – and I'm seeing them both in concert in the next few months!
I have been one of those girls who ends up hanging out with boys, but lately I've been befriending more girls. And I've never considered myself a bad girl, but with your list of bad girl characteristics, I certainly aspire to be one!
ReplyDeleteI love that you were a pre-pubescent lesbian!
ReplyDeleteI am completely enamoured with the 'bad girl.' I think I have moments of 'bad girl-ness' but I do embrace and work towards many of the characteristics you listed above.
I have never understood those women who don't like friendships with other women. To me that suggests that you don't treat other women well. At least, in my experience.
ReplyDeleteI have never understood those women who don't like friendships with other women. To me that suggests that you don't treat other women well. At least, in my experience.
ReplyDeleteI could not agree with Rachel more. I've never trusted women who don't like other women.
ReplyDeleteI'm a bad girl in my life because I'm the good girl in my immediate communities. I've (mostly) stuck to my guns through the years in LA, even when it was difficult. But most importantly, I married someone who celebrates ME, even though we couldn't be more different.
love this post so much, I always find I like collaborating with women on creative projects way more, as well!
ReplyDeleteI definitely wouldn't define myself as a "bad girl," though I do possess some of the qualities you listed here (redefine and embrace femininity, doesn't stand for bullying, dresses to impress herself and other ladies, etc.). So I guess I'm a LITTLE bit bad...just a little. ;-)
ReplyDeleteI also have been guilty of only hanging out with guys in my younger years. I think I was just not hanging out with the right women or something. Now, I live in a city where I don't have any friends, and my coworkers out-age me by a LOT...so that sucks.
Hopefully I can figure out the lady-friend thing someday. Until then, there's always the internet!
Gosh -- I've always been the girl with more guy than girlfriends until the last few years. I find myself missing it and I think it's a reason why lately I haven't felt like "me."
ReplyDeleteAnyway... love this post! The list is so good and I can't wait to listen to the bad girls Playlist!!
You know it's so funny, I think because I've always been a bit of a nerd and soft spoken, I've felt a little bad girl envy too. And being friends with boys is definitely way easier for me. It's certainly not that I don't like being friends with women, but I think a lot of girls that get picked on as kids end up finding a no-nonsense male camaraderie easier to pull off than the subtleties of girl politics.
ReplyDeleteBut I realized recently that a 25 year old working nights with former ASC union presidents, Sony engineers, running a business, and holding her own in the very male dominated world of imaging science definitely qualifies as a badass. I just prefer the "speak softly and carry a big stick" way of doing things. Usually with a monopod.
And Dahlwhinnie 15, scotch of choice ;)
Ha! I'm one of the girls who don't like other girls. Okay not entirely true since half of my friends are girls - but all of them have a predominant masculine side (individualistic, direct, goal-oriented etc.)
ReplyDeleteIn fact, it's not that I don't like girls (obviously! - I even gave birth to one), it's just that I tend to get uncomfortable when I'm with people with the sole purpose of just being (which I see as an important feminine quality). My urge to create is so strong that I want to cut straight to the chase.
And I really don't long for community and sisterhood to the same extent that most women do. Please don't say that that makes me less trustworthy :)
That said, I think a lot of the problems this world face could be solved by men manning up and women manning down. But that's an entirely different subject :)
Maj, you Rebel you. I could pick your brain for DAYS on this topic.
ReplyDeleteTo all - The whole point of this post isn't that I want to have slumber parties full of pillow fights and nail painting with a bunch of girls talking about boys (though that does sound pretty rad).
I'd say a "bad girl", a term which I've attempted to redefine by this post, is one who loves to create and probably doesn't like what we typically call "girl" politics.
But you all. Let's stop feeding the stereotype that women are awful!
Yes! My favorite women are those that inspire me (like you!). I think the hatred stems from jealousy, and if we could all get past that women in general would be a powerful force. Also I get to see gaga on valentines day with my best ladies and the tickets were a bday gift from my husband.:)
ReplyDeleteI was that girl who hung out with the boys. I didn't do it intentionally; it just happened. I'm in the middle of a brother sandwich so I was groomed (and beaten) to be a tomboy. Go fig. But now, I hang out with my girls and talk girl stuff. I still hang out with my boys (mostly over Sportscenter and NFL talk).
ReplyDeleteI do talk a lot though. I'm super friendly to everyone and, when it's boys, people think I'm flirting. I'm not and those same people realize that too when I'm yapping it up with girls.
Reminds me of an excerpt from Bossypants where Tina Fey knows she's found a "bad girl" soulmate in Amy Poehler:
ReplyDelete"Amy was new to SNL and we were all crowded into the seventeenth-floor writers' room, waiting for the Wednesday read-through to start. There were always a lot of noisy "comedy bits" going on in that room. Amy was in the middle of some such nonsense with Seth Meyers across the table, and she did something vulgar as a joke. I can't remember what it was exactly, except it was dirty and loud and "unladylike."
Jimmy Fallon, who was arguably the star of the show at the time, turned to her and in a faux-squeamish voice said, "Stop that! It's not cute! I don't like it."
Amy dropped what she was doing, went black in the eyes for a second, and wheeled around on him. "I don't f*cking care if you like it!" Jimmy was visibly started. Amy went right back to enjoying her ridiculous bit. (I should make it clear that Jimmy and Amy are very good friends and there was never any real beef between them. Insert penis joke here.)
With that exchange, a cosmic shift took place. Amy made it clear that she wasn't there to be cute. She wasn't there to play wives and girlfriends in the boys' scenes. She was there to do what she wanted to do and she did not fucking care if you like it."
I LOVE YOU KATHLEEN SHANNON
I absolutely love this post! And you know me -- I'm a total bad girl, in the very unassuming you-wouldn't-know-it-at-first sort of way. But that's just how I roll. I think the coolest women embody contradiction: they're feminine and feminist, flirty and independent, powerful and willing to ask for help. I just want to keep saying yes, yes, yes to this post.
ReplyDeleteI absolutely love this post! And you know me -- I'm a total bad girl, in the very unassuming you-wouldn't-know-it-at-first sort of way. But that's just how I roll. I think the coolest women embody contradiction: they're feminine and feminist, flirty and independent, powerful and willing to ask for help. I just want to keep saying yes, yes, yes to this post.
ReplyDeleteLove this post- I grew up with a single father most of my formative years and was never aware of 'gender roles' per se as a child. My father taught me everything anyone would need to know to be self sufficient- from car and home repair, to fishing, cooking, gardening and so on...enjoy them all. So that's on my list- I found it easier and a comfortable norm to befriend the guys to a point in life, but now find the connections with my bad ass gal pals to be the ones that provide me the greatest joy.
ReplyDeletejust catching up on some overdue blog reading- i'm definitely a badass girl. and i love lady friends although i don't have many but i think that has more to do with my lack of free time- not the lack of potentially awesome girlfriends out there. i need to make more of an effort. thanks for reminding me.
ReplyDelete